Except for one minor change, this is orginal; I added a picture of Mr. Burns. I don't know why I didn't do that originally, but I'll guess that's it was due to laziness.
Subject: Automobile Difficulties
Greetings Team
In 1844, a fellow named "Charles Goodyear" invented a process called "vulcanization" which, to my surprise, is not star-trek related. By 1877, this technology had been put to good use by the likes of John Boyd Dunlop and the lesser known, but equally important, Robert William Thompson. Their efforts resulted in creation of the "tire", which, according to my 11 year old nephew, is still in use today.
Though different vehicles have different number of tires, to my embarassment, my motor car is limited to just 4. It may be argued that the so-called "spare" is also a tire, but for the purposes of this deposition I will not include it in the calculations.
Last evening (Saturday) while driving home from an event called "poker night", I ran over what can most specifically be called "an object". Said object violated the integrity of my "tire" (see paragraph 1), resulting in defalation. This resulted in a 25% loss of overall tire functionality on my motorized buggy. Attempts to enlist professional services to replace the faulty tire have, to this point, been unsuccessful due to the unavailability of a suitable replacement. I will call Continental Customer Service early monday morning to deal with warranty and replacement issues.
Unfortunately, the previously-mentioned-and-disregarded spare tire isn't highway capable, so my travel capabilities are regrettably limited. I will get it corrected as soon as possible, but it's proven to not be possible on this seventh day. If I'm not able to work it out Monday (due to continued unavailability of the tire), I'll rent a car for Tuesday.
I appreciate your support in these trying times. I will be available via cell phone and same time. If you have any questions or concerns, please relay them via the medium of your choice. As always, you are welcome to make a personal visit to my humble abode in Boynton Beach. I can provide refreshments in the forms of chex-mix and arizona iced tea. (Please bring your own toilet paper).
References
Figure A: Marketing image of 2006 Chrysler 300. Though this is not my 2006 Chrysler 300, it is a fair representation. The faulty tire is denoted by the red square.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tire
Hyperlink A: Wikipedia provided the information about the history of the tire.
http://thesaurus.reference.com/search?q=car&start=1
Hyperlink B: reference.com was useless. I needed alternative words for "car", and it failed to help in any way.
Mr. Burns, of "the simpsons" fame.
Cartoon Character A: I believe it is he who inadvertantly suggested the term "motor car" to me during a recent rerun. Sure, he's a cranky old guy, but he helped me when I needed it.
Acknowledgements
A lot of works goes into an email like this, and I couldn't have done it without the love and support of my friends and family. They encouraged me during the bad sentences, and applauded me during the good. Several times, it would have been easier to just cancel the email and leave a voice message, but they pushed me through.
I don't want to thank people individually for fear of forgetting someone, so I'll conclude just by saying thank you. You know who you are. Peace.
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