New Phone Number

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[28-OCT-2009]

[RE: PHONE # UPDATE]

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Jay Allard (tm), a wholly owned subsidiary of planet earth has, after a lengthy negotiation process with AT&T (Nasadaq:ATT), obtained a new land based telephone number.

"While the old phone number was sufficient in some ways, it didn't read well. A phone number should not only be functional, but it should roll off the tongue as if it were poetry." said Jay Allard, in a recent interview with himself.

Financial analysts, who were alerted of this change prior to the public release despite multiple SEC laws and regulations, have responded with mixed sentiments. While most agree that this change will ultimately affect the gross value of Jay Allard, the magnitude of change and the timing thereof remains to be seen. In the end, it will be difficult to discern the actual affect of this monumental change due to all of the parallel projects (such as his new shoes) of similar significance.

Said one analyst, who is also named Jay Allard:

"There will be a certain adjustment period as we transition from the old inferior phone number to the new superior phone number. There will be times that we use the old digits simply out of habit. When we receive the "out of service message" from the phone company, we may at first respond negatively by hurling the phone through a window. But then we will remember that we were duly notified of the change and the fault is ours, not Jay Allard’s. We will then calm down and dial the correct number. Then we will replace the window.".

It has been rumored by Jay Allard industry specialists that the new phone number cannot be entirely attributed to desire for a finer rhythmic quality when saying the number out loud. Behind closed doors, it has been speculated that the new number was more in response to poor Comcast (Nadaq:SUCKS) service. Jay Allard may not say such in a public forum, but a strong possibility exists that, in an effort to save money for his parent company, phone service was bundled with internet service resulting in a lower bill and a phone that never worked properly. But, such rumors cannot be confirmed. Such negative public comments are not the style of Jay Allard, so it is more reasonable to expect them to say "We didn't like the old number" rather than "Comcast really sucks and if I had an opportunity to strike one company with a Texas-sized meteor, Comcast would be it". Maybe future generations will look back upon then unclassified documents and learn the truth, but we of the 21st century can only speculate.

This media outlet has learned that the new phone number will be announced tomorrow at a news conference scheduled to conflict with your favorite show. We have obtained a copy of the 337 page announcement, and have learned that the new rhythmic number is:

561.xxx.xxxx

A keen eye may observe the presence of periods rather than dashes between the major segments. This is not by accident as people generally emphasise things differently when confronted with the less-oft used period. 3 out of 5 dentists agree that this reflex reaction contributes to the desired rhythmic quality of reciting the number, once again demonstrating Jay Allard's commitment to pleasing his callers world wide.

The new number has been secretly broadcast to http://aaaa.com, and to the Lotus Notes aaa directory. Jay Allard really wishes he didn't have to use notes, but he is so excited about the new working phone number that he will decline further comments. (Its called email... not "a memo").

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